Hi! Lorddd it feels good to be back in your inboxes (!!!) I hope the feeling is mutual :)
Before we dive back into the swing of things, it feels important to reintroduce myself, more importantly, this Substack, and even more specifically, provide clarity on what you can expect from me and this space. If you’re in a rush, the shortened version of this can be found on my updated About page here (please check it out! or scroll to “what you can expect” down below). And if you have time for the longer explanation, here we go!
THE BACK STORY:
My name is Alex, and in 2017 I launched a website called ON OUR MOON, which I dubbed a digital tent. Our aim was to explore what it meant to be human through personal storytelling and to normalize conversations around shame. My own body and psyche was riddled with shame, so I created an online platform for others to be seen and heard. Self-love was the end goal, for our readers, and for myself. And then 2020 happened. And then, after a long fertility journey, I got pregnant. And then, I quit the blog. I no longer identified with the endless pursuit of dispelling shame. In many ways, this space completed its mission: I became a mother with an immense amount of internal self-love. Many moons later, I launched a Substack. It was a fun way for me to get back into writing, share intimate parts of my life, and be honest about my experiences as a mother.
Over the last month or so, I’ve been going through my writing — on OOM’s website, this Substack, my Notes app, and my endless Google docs. Note: If you’re a writer, proceed with caution. It felt horrific revisiting old parts of my writing, of myself — pieces that suddenly felt completely foreign to me now. What really stands out though, is the clear lack of direction, the missing thread tying each newsletter together. It felt like a journal, mostly because it was. Since becoming a mother, I’ve wrestled with two very opposing truths: I have so much to say, and I have no idea what I’m actually trying to say. What I realize now more than ever, is that I also didn’t have the confidence to explore the topics that ignite me, nor did I feel like I could share the wisdom I’d learned from books and wise women. Even with all the self-love, I never felt like a writer. I never felt “expert” enough to discuss the complexities of some of these topics. Combining this with an alarmingly unhealthy dose of imposter syndrome and an internalization of the impacts of cancel culture, I muted myself and felt uninspired to write (even when I had so much to say).
BUT THEN SOMETHING HAPPENED:
I was approached by two separate reporters to be interviewed for a TikTok I made, and my first initial thoughts were 1) don’t fucking respond 2) you have nothing to say 3) you’re not an expert in this field. When I discussed it with my writers’ group (these women have truly changed my life), they were bewildered as to why I hadn’t taken initiative to write about this topic myself. This is all you write or talk about was the overall sentiment. One of them said words I really needed to hear: “You need to fucking do this, Alex.” I’ll never forget the intensity in her eyes as she said those words through Zoom. She doesn't claim herself to be a witch, but that day, she cast a spell of confidence and urgency on me. When the call ended, I saw the reflection of myself on the black screen. I saw myself. Like, really saw myself. I saw all the limitations I’d placed on myself. I saw all of the ways I’d kept myself small in order to keep myself safe. I saw all the ways I silenced myself in fear of being misunderstood. I found myself thinking, asking, and for the very first time proclaiming, WHY THE FUCK NOT ME. That night, I wrote a piece about the topic the reporters reached out to me about, and without putting much thought into it, I sent it to a few publishers (and some even responded! ). It was the most alive I had felt, like, maybe ever. Thirty-five years of insecurities, poof!, all of it, gone. Just like that. Suddenly, every self-help book I’ve ever read clicked, like my brain snapped back into place, and now I genuinely find it preposterous, laughable and borderline concerning even, that I ever doubted myself.
Point being: I’m a writer, and I have something to fucking say — and I’m so excited to be back on Substack to say it, or rather — to write it!
WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT:
ON OUR MOON is a small corner of the internet exploring the realm of womanhood, matriarchy, and everything in between.
I want to ask the hard questions and explore the discomforts of our own belief systems that uphold the world as is. All of this with a very specific realm in mind — the realm of womanhood, or as some wise women might say, the experience of maiden, mother, and crone. I truly believe women hold a radical, innate ability to change and heal the world, if we allow ourselves the space to reconsider our frames of thinking. I rarely feel represented when it comes to discussions on motherhood (and adulting in general), so my hope is that this space, both through writing and events, reflects the complexities of what it means to be a woman (and mother) in this deliriously beautiful and sometimes pretty messed up world.
If you are a free subscriber, you’ll get the best of my work. The majority of what will be shared here will be free. But if you choose to be a paid subscriber, for $10/month, you will have access to the comment section, personal pieces by yours truly, and (at least) one monthly event. Sometimes events will be workshops I teach, other times there will be a guest speaker or live-interview. In a world obsessed with hyper individualism and narrow perspectives, it is important we break bread together (or in this case, connect our wombs in a non-weird, witchy way). The comment section will be for paid subscribers, solely to keep this space safe (for me and you, because you know, the internet can be weird in a bad way). In an ideal world, we’re discussing these topics freely and openly in the comments, but if you only do so with your friends or people in your personal life (or even within your own mind), that is truly a win. While I still don’t consider myself “an expert,” my very pure, genuine intention moving forward with this Substack is to create dialogue: How do we amplify female consciousness and potential? How do we heal the world through harnessing our power as women? How do we create a matriarchy? To change where we’re going, we have to change the way we think — about ourselves, each other, and the world.
(And P.S. I will comp anyone who needs it. Email me, no questions asked.).
FINAL THOUGHTS:
A dear friend of mine, who is younger than me, recently told me my writing feels like a maternal hug, which inspired the tone I want to set for this space. While some of the topics I write about will push the boundaries of our comfort, I hope this newsletter feels exactly like that to you. When I went through my old writing, another, more heartwarming thing that stood out to me, is your unwavering support of me and my writing. I reread some of your comments, your emails, your notes about my stories. And oof, it made me weepy. Because of everything I mentioned up above, I wasn’t able to see, to truly witness, how much you truly held me during this three-to-five year creative process (can we call it that?!) that it took to get here. In writing this, it dawned on me that you, as my readers, were the maternal hug I needed all along. I hope this space provides you with the same warmth you’ve shown me over the years. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Let’s get deep, let’s get weird, let’s get radical and witchy, and most importantly, let’s get maternal.
BIG (MATERNAL) INTERNET HUGS,
Alex