HI! I’m so excited to send this out! Your questions were amazing — thank you for trusting me with them. My original intention was to answer 3-6 questions in one email once a month, but your questions were so incredible (and my answers fairly detailed) that I want to give each one the time and space it deserves (for you to enjoy and absorb). SO! After a chat with my editor, we decided to send one Q&A out every Friday (that is as long as you keep sending those Qs in!). I’m always mindful of inbox clutter, but also brain space (I don’t want to overwhelm either before the weekend), so let me know what you all think in the comments!
Here’s a list of the topics coming to your inbox over the next few weeks:
All things baby sleep
My BFF might cheat
Money trauma
Natural birth control
Can you love your baby too much?
If you are inspired to ask me another question (or maybe your first) please click here. Let’s keep this going, so ask awayyyyy! EEP! Also. If you want to share your two cents on any of these questions, comment section in all yours. :)
How do you know when it’s time to let go of a GOOD relationship? I’ve been in a relationship with a GOOD man for the last six years. I love him deeply yet I feel our spark has burnt out, and I often find myself wondering about what else is out there. I’m struggling to find the line between “sticking through the tough times” and releasing what’s good so I can call in what’s great.
Sincerely, CONFUSED
Dear CONFUSED,
If you’re a hopeless romantic like me, you’ve probably seen The Notebook endless times. Let me refresh your memory in case you’ve forgotten: Allie was engaged to someone good. She was happy, on paper it worked, he was a good man. Her parents loved him, he had a good job, he was charming, funny, and handsome. They had a good life together. But there was something missing. It didn’t make sense (matters of the heart rarely do), and it was intangibly tangible. In the end, she left him because her heart told her to. She released good and found great.
When I was 22, I left a seven-year relationship and suddenly found myself single. He was not good, and our relationship certainly wasn’t either. Shortly afterwards, I met a man 12 years my senior. On our first date, he shared his food and uttered words that left me speechless. “Sharing is caring,” he said nonchalantly. I don’t remember what was on his plate (let’s say french fries), but the fact that he was willing to share them with me, instead of ripping my head off at my mere request for one (like my ex would do), was absolutely mind boggling. Unexpectedly, I found myself in a good relationship with a good man. And had he wanted kids (he didn’t), and had he not had a slight alcohol and sex problem (a story for another time), I probably would have stayed, for a lot longer than I did. A couple of months after we broke up, I met Kevin. He wasn’t good, he was great. In September, we will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. And while he’s great, and our relationship is great, and everyone around us thinks we’re “great” too, we’ve definitely gone through “tough times” — and I don’t want to gloss over those.
Rough patches (and months) in a relationship are natural. It’s a part of life, and certainly a part of any long-term relationship. Relationships go through ups and downs, and I think fantasizing about something better, or even having moments where you might consider no longer being together, is a part of being in a long-term relationship. The seven-year itch is *so* real. People grow, sometimes not at the same time. And people change, sometimes not in the same way (or not enough). A therapist told me years ago that a great marriage is like an elastic band: You may feel distant when your relationship stretches you in different directions but you always snap back together. And that is true of my experience of marriage so far.
But here’s what I want to tell you, sweet one.