Well hello there!

(and some exciting news)

To my readers — I’m sorry I dipped. A few months ago, I came out of a depression and I’ve been finding my footing ever since. Depression is a hard word for me to utter, a word I don’t identify with, and a word that feels foreign and yet, as of recently, one that feels all too familiar. It took me a long time to truly understand what was happening to me, but in short, I experienced delayed postpartum depression. A few months ago, I saw a healer and bodyworker to help with my insanely tight calves. She told me, “Your feet are off the ground. You’re not grounded, and this is why you have tight calves.” And she was right. Whatever postpartum depression means in theory, in spirit, it felt like I was not in this realm. I was far off the ground, and not in my body. Over the last few months, I’ve been placing my feet back in the dirt (physically and emotionally), and I no longer have tight calves. My darkness, gone. My nervous system, soft. As though I landed back from the dark ether, lightly, with layers shedded, with more of myself, and an internal clarity I didn’t previously possess. 

I’ll write more about this topic soon, but before I get too far, I want to address my paid subscribers specifically — I had no business asking anyone to support my writing during a time in which I experienced so much internal turmoil, and a time during which my creative energy (and energy all together) was in a major deficit. I had the best of intentions, truly. For anyone who unsubscribed, I understand fully. I was forced to take a break, one that lasted way longer than I expected. I’m sorry if I let you down. If I’m being honest, I’m still wrestling with certain things that happened during this period in my life, and I feel like I let myself down, on top of you, my readers. 

All that said, it is with a very full heart that I can share: ROCKY IS GONNA BE A BIG SISTER (she reminds me every day that she’s going to share her toys with “mama’s baby” – cue tears!) There’s new life kicking in my belly, and with it an intense creative burst I haven’t felt in a long, long time — and even more importantly, a confidence I haven’t experienced in 35 years. If this baby turns out to be a Leo, I guess we’ll know why, but in the meantime, I’m taking full advantage of this new profound conviction and courage I possess. The first trimester kicked my ass, hard. Let’s just say I don’t recommend getting COVID during the first three months of pregnancy…especially while trying to parent a toddler. But! I’m enjoying the ease (and little kicks) that comes with the second trimester, thankfully. 

I have learned not to make empty promises, but I’ve been working on some really, really exciting things, and I can’t wait to share what you can expect from this little corner of the internet. I feel grounded in my body, in my purpose, and in this new journey I’m about to embark on as a mom of two and a writer who actually believes she’s a writer. This response from Barry Keoghan is the level of confidence (and delusion) I’m hoping to bring to 2024: No more fucks to give and kicking imposter syndrome to the curb, right where it belongs. 

I hope you stick around. 

ONE LOVE,

Alex