Hi! Happy Friday! :) I’m sticking with one answer per week unless y’all tell me otherwise in the comments. Pls let me know! In case you missed it, these are the Q&A options: one answer every Friday or a super lengthy once a month? You make the call!
Today we’re talking all things baby sleep. And I share my crunchy mom tips at the bottom. If you have baby or toddler sleep tips, PLEASE share the deets. Sleep for babes is necessary, obvi, but for mamas…it’s *life altering* to get some real hours. Help ya girls out!
Also. To all the mamas out there, I hope whatever you wish to do or feel on this Mother’s Day becomes a reality. Prayers for us all honestly. I’ve been encouraged by some companies and social media accounts to “opt out of” mother’s day content, so I’m going to do the same here with you and enjoy some time off of my phone and laptop! I’ll see you in your inbox next week. :)
ONE LOVE,
Alex
I feel like I am in no man’s land with my 9-month-old daughter and sleep/naps routine. For now, we do all-contact naps and sleep and we bedshare. I am starting to get worried though that if I don’t start to encourage a little bit of independent sleep soon (like starting with just one nap) then she will be sleeping on me still when she is 3 (I know a few people who this is true for and not a problem for them but that would be a problem for me). I feel so judged by my in laws and even my own husband at times for the parenting choices I’ve made to this point! My husband is very supportive but I’m a bit more “crunchy” (for lack of a better word) in my ways than him and his family at times. I breastfeed and plan to do so until my daughter is older and I could successfully night wean her (18 months). Just wondering what you did???? I think you were similar in that you bedshared etc. When did you introduce independent sleep? What was the reality of what the process looked like? I’m considering a floor bed because at this stage she’s slept in her crib maybe 4 times for a total of 40 mins. I struggle with anxiety and I also love cuddling my daughter but I also know for my mental health even just one nap a day separated would be a good thing for both of us!!!
Sincerely, Lost-alone-tired-hopeful & in love mama.
Dear Lost-alone-tired-hopeful & in love mama,
Oh, if only I could reach out into my screen and give you the biggest mom hug. Like I said in another newsletter, motherhood ain’t for the weak. And the topic of baby sleep is even more maddening. Our culture is obsessed with baby sleep. If they could create a pill to ensure babies sleep through the night straight out of the womb, they, without a doubt, would. And it doesn’t help that every family member, and somehow even strangers in line at the grocery store, are obsessed with knowing every detail of our baby’s sleep schedule. I’d be a billionaire if I got a dollar for everytime I was asked if my daughter was sleeping through the night, which people started asking when she was SIX (!!!) weeks old (umm, no for the record, hard no).
I understand your worries, I had them too. Every decision made in the world of baby sleep feels like it might have some explosive, negative consequence in the future. Of course, none of these decisions are earth shattering (obviously), but since no one (and I mean absolutely no one) in our society is chill about baby sleep, let alone realistic about a baby’s ability to physiologically sleep through the night, it’s no wonder moms (like you and me) feel like our baby’s inability to sleep is somehow a reflection of our own “poor decisions.”
Here’s what I know for sure as a mom of a two year old and a friend with many mom friends: There is no rhyme or reason to this thing called baby sleep — no matter what “experts” or other moms tell you. Everyone thinks a baby’s ability to sleep is a reflection of a series of “good” parental decisions, and any baby who isn’t sleeping well is a result of a series of “bad” ones, which only furthers the notion that if your baby isn’t sleeping through the night it’s (once again) your fault. A baby who sleeps through the night is a “good baby,” and one who doesn’t is the opposite of that. The truth is that baby sleep is much more complex than we carve it out to be. I know mothers who had babies who slept through the night at six months, only to become toddlers who sleep terribly. I know mothers (like me) who had babies who woke up constantly, who now have toddlers who sleep great. And I know mothers who have never had “bad” sleepers, and others who have never had “great” sleepers. And then throw in how differently siblings sleep, and it just further proves how much it’s not about us and our methods; it’s about them and when they’re ready to learn how to sleep. All this to say: It’s a crapshoot. And that’s what makes it so hard to reckon with.
But how did I get my toddler to sleep through the night, you ask? Well, I like to believe there are a few things I did that definitely helped, but the reality is, it happened when she was ready for it. Nonetheless, I’ll gladly share all of the things! Please know: This is going to be lengthy, and very detailed, but if you're like me and most moms I know, the details are necessary, and it’s what you deserve, mama. I also added some “crunchy mom” tips down below. :-)