Such a great article Alex! When my son tells me he’s bored, I counter with “Only boring people get bored” and then we laugh (bc we both know he’s far from boring) and then I remind him that it’s ok to be bored, that it’s ok to just lie on the couch and let his mind wander, that he’s giving his brain time to rest. Our society has become so over scheduled. I get caught up in it too, but I’m going back to basics, back to a simple way of living.
I love this but laughed way too hard at the parents up their kids asses at the park because my god is that true today. It’s a major cock block to the other tiny humans who want to play … but can’t break through the parental shadow hovering 5 inches away lol
This is very interesting having already gone through this phase — my twin boys are now 14 — and having spent years on the floor collaborating on puzzles, projects and more with them. As I did not have my little ones until I was 40, I felt like I wanted to participate in as much of their life but the boundaries you are referencing makes so much sense. And, as they aged, I felt it was critical for them to find things to do on their own; being a twin meant never getting bored per se as they always created games together. But the notion of being up their asses really applies to teens as well! I need to give them space and privacy to be moody or have whatever feelings they want...or to eat the entire kitchen after swim practice. It's their home too. Thank you as always for a fresh perspective. xx
I agree- the idea of saying absolutely no play seems so sad to me as is the idea of being a constant playmate. We have ‘special time’ which is 20-40 minutes per day (depending on how long the bath took) of one on one time for each child where my husband or I do whatever they want- play dough, dance, pretend to be an animal getting my leg amputated, dolls. They’re in charge. We really prioritize this and often it is imaginative play or play with Duplos etc. It’s nice to take their lead and have that guaranteed connection time.
Outside of that it’s like I say yes or no depending on what’s going on. Like do I want/need to finish what I’m doing - it’s a no, we’ll have to wait for special time. Do I want to build a magnatile fort for stuffed animals or fold laundry? Often I want to build the fort and leave the laundry for my husband. I have a 4 and 2 year old and they both have been able to handle simple explanations of when and why I can and can’t play.
I also think a big thing is the like project play- the sensory setups, the crafts, the nugget builds… that’s a lot of time, $ and mental directing for parents to buy, setup and stage direct play. I don’t really do those. We have art supplies to make what you want (there are rules about where to use them but it’s all process art), we have water in the sink which you can fill a bowl and play with in the shower and we can go outside and get messy.
Such a great article Alex! When my son tells me he’s bored, I counter with “Only boring people get bored” and then we laugh (bc we both know he’s far from boring) and then I remind him that it’s ok to be bored, that it’s ok to just lie on the couch and let his mind wander, that he’s giving his brain time to rest. Our society has become so over scheduled. I get caught up in it too, but I’m going back to basics, back to a simple way of living.
I love this but laughed way too hard at the parents up their kids asses at the park because my god is that true today. It’s a major cock block to the other tiny humans who want to play … but can’t break through the parental shadow hovering 5 inches away lol
This is very interesting having already gone through this phase — my twin boys are now 14 — and having spent years on the floor collaborating on puzzles, projects and more with them. As I did not have my little ones until I was 40, I felt like I wanted to participate in as much of their life but the boundaries you are referencing makes so much sense. And, as they aged, I felt it was critical for them to find things to do on their own; being a twin meant never getting bored per se as they always created games together. But the notion of being up their asses really applies to teens as well! I need to give them space and privacy to be moody or have whatever feelings they want...or to eat the entire kitchen after swim practice. It's their home too. Thank you as always for a fresh perspective. xx
I agree- the idea of saying absolutely no play seems so sad to me as is the idea of being a constant playmate. We have ‘special time’ which is 20-40 minutes per day (depending on how long the bath took) of one on one time for each child where my husband or I do whatever they want- play dough, dance, pretend to be an animal getting my leg amputated, dolls. They’re in charge. We really prioritize this and often it is imaginative play or play with Duplos etc. It’s nice to take their lead and have that guaranteed connection time.
Outside of that it’s like I say yes or no depending on what’s going on. Like do I want/need to finish what I’m doing - it’s a no, we’ll have to wait for special time. Do I want to build a magnatile fort for stuffed animals or fold laundry? Often I want to build the fort and leave the laundry for my husband. I have a 4 and 2 year old and they both have been able to handle simple explanations of when and why I can and can’t play.
I also think a big thing is the like project play- the sensory setups, the crafts, the nugget builds… that’s a lot of time, $ and mental directing for parents to buy, setup and stage direct play. I don’t really do those. We have art supplies to make what you want (there are rules about where to use them but it’s all process art), we have water in the sink which you can fill a bowl and play with in the shower and we can go outside and get messy.
I really enjoyed this article on the same topic: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/15/magazine/kids-play.html?ugrp=m&unlocked_article_code=1.lE0.2m0x.p0074h-gxr9m&smid=url-share
I don't particularly enjoy playing with my kid's toys, but I will do some imaginative or role play with him sometimes.