loooooove every line but "I hold the stories from my childhood, my youth, that don't ever feel as distant as I'd like them to be." HITSSSSSSS. oooooof.
This is so beautiful. Thank you. Been thinking about Kalman a lot too after seeing that same video essay paired with her words. It’s night where I live so I’m gonna save the prompt for tomorrow and think of all the women in the world and our shared beingness in holding things. <3
whew, the pressure's on! :) i'm not backing out, but i didn't get the writing time i hoped this morning as i was pushing my 1 1/2 old up and down hills in the stroller instead. however, as i walked i thought about what women carry. i reflected on what women carry through history, that usually women are the story keepers, that when Italo Calvino collected Italian folktales throughout Italy, he listened to women. i thought about the rage women carry. in a recent phone call with my dad he told me that he heard a Palestinian journalist on This American Life speaking about her rage and how, at moments for her, when the population of Gaza has been told to vacate to a safe location only to be bombed there, her rage has been immobilizing. and man, the rage i have from a place not in war is at times immobilizing too. i don't want to let it be. i've heard people speak of rage as a mobilize, not as something to cause violent destruction, but as a wake-up force to imbue and create change. i like thinking about carrying a rage that transforms as i focus on it. a rage that transforms the visions of a future for our children into a reality. i like imagining my rage becoming gardens and trees and rain and sun. i like imagining a world where rage isn't an emotion i need to carry in order to know how i must take the next step.
I hold the grief of my health, the inconsistencies of my body (it's never something I can count on).
I hold my favorite coffee mug, the most normal part of my day before it inevitably spins out of control.
I hold my giant mason jar of water.
I hold the stories from my childhood, my youth, that don't ever feel as distant as I'd like them to be.
I hold my secrets, and the ones I want to bury.
I hold versions of another life, in the city, in the country, in the old red barn with the man wearing the silver necklace.
I hold this life, in the sun, in the heat, in the humidity and horrors of the south.
I hold the sand, the saltwater, the feeling that everything really will be okay.
I hold my son's hand as he pulls me around the house. I hold the book he wants me to read.
I hold my best friend's sanity, her calm in the storm of motherhood.
I hold my mother's hopes and dreams. I hold the life she dreamt of having and never had (I am the mother she never had).
I hold my father's doubts and anxieties. I hold his deep breaths so he can come back to life.
I hold onto my husband's waist, wrapping my arms around him so tight. I hold onto a life with him I don't think I deserve.
I hold myself, as often as I can bring myself to. I hold on so hard—don't let go.
I hold my heavy heart, knowing that tomorrow there will be a new beginning.
loooooove every line but "I hold the stories from my childhood, my youth, that don't ever feel as distant as I'd like them to be." HITSSSSSSS. oooooof.
I hold my baby girl under my arm while she naps and my phone in the other to type this out
I hold in my pee so she can sleep a little while longer (tmi sorry not sorry).
I hold my husband's stress over finding a job and my own longing for stability.
I hold my maiden self tenderly while she slowly disappears in the rear view mirror.
I hold my sweet cat who also grieves for that silent home before babe.
I hold my mama friends who are with me in this new season of life.
I hold anxiety, fatigue, sore muscles and aches, and I hold peace, patience and a love for this little soul like I've never felt before.
*I really enjoyed today's letter, thank you Alex ❤️
"I hold my maiden self tenderly while she slowly disappears in the rear view mirror."
BYYYYE CRYING. thank you for sharing, so beautiful! ps can relate to the pee part.
Beautiful!
This is so beautiful. Thank you. Been thinking about Kalman a lot too after seeing that same video essay paired with her words. It’s night where I live so I’m gonna save the prompt for tomorrow and think of all the women in the world and our shared beingness in holding things. <3
omg pls let us know your answers!! and yes that video reallyyyy hit when I saw it yesterday. perfect timing to add it on here. <3
whew, the pressure's on! :) i'm not backing out, but i didn't get the writing time i hoped this morning as i was pushing my 1 1/2 old up and down hills in the stroller instead. however, as i walked i thought about what women carry. i reflected on what women carry through history, that usually women are the story keepers, that when Italo Calvino collected Italian folktales throughout Italy, he listened to women. i thought about the rage women carry. in a recent phone call with my dad he told me that he heard a Palestinian journalist on This American Life speaking about her rage and how, at moments for her, when the population of Gaza has been told to vacate to a safe location only to be bombed there, her rage has been immobilizing. and man, the rage i have from a place not in war is at times immobilizing too. i don't want to let it be. i've heard people speak of rage as a mobilize, not as something to cause violent destruction, but as a wake-up force to imbue and create change. i like thinking about carrying a rage that transforms as i focus on it. a rage that transforms the visions of a future for our children into a reality. i like imagining my rage becoming gardens and trees and rain and sun. i like imagining a world where rage isn't an emotion i need to carry in order to know how i must take the next step.
I have loved this video as it makes the rounds — I am touched every time. I have very little time to develop my thoughts, but here goes:
I hold my twin boys' hearts, protecting them from a chaotic world filled with injustice.
I hold my husband's hand, as our connection brings me peace and unconditional love, something I never thought I would find.
I hold my dreams high, as they are lofty but deserve to be fulfilled — I am more than meets the eye.
I hold my puppy's paw for she is a calming force when life is a tsunami.
I hold my fears, grudges and frustrations but release them in the wild so that they are not burdens.